It's Been a Long Time

So, Its been awhile. but I think that I'm going to start blogging again. I don't even have the time, but right now it's the only way I can clear my mind.

Why?

WARNING: THERE IS A CHANCE I MIGHT GO OFF ON A TANGENT!

Why is it that one person can have the ability to affect your emotions whether they be good or bad? Why do I continually let one person and one experience determine and mess it up for all the rest? Why can’t I simply forgive.forget.and move on? I realize that for some, and old love never dies; and for men who have been hurt that old love is always there...but why string others along when it's clear your feelings reside with someone else? Why can something be so crystal clear one moment and the next your thoughts are everywhere? Why when you know something is not right for you and you can see yourself getting hurt, you can't help it and indulge anyway? Why can't you tell yourself to feel one way and actually do it? Why is it that one bad apple can spoil the whole bunch? Why are women more emotional than men (although there are plenty women who behave, think, and feel like men)? Do men really want a nice girl and know when they have one? Why do people realize when it is too late? Why is it wrong to treat every guy the same way, if it has been proven to you over and over again that you have no reason not to? Why are there so few people that keep it 100% all the time? Why is it not okay not to trust people? Why is that, when in a relationship or getting to know someone you're happy and blissful in the beginning and upset and hurt down the line?

I don"t have the answer to a lot of these questions, but in the end I still wonder WHY.......

Emotions

Lately I have been in touch with mine. I've reached the point where I am ready to place my feelings on display for all to see. I used to think of emotion in a negative sense; thinking that the display of emotion was a sign of weakness. Now I have reached point in which hiding my emotions is both impossible and unnecessary. I'm officially opening myself up to vulnerability because although it may be uncomfortable, I know it will be well worth it in the end. My constant repression of emotions to paint myself as perfect on the outside is something that I no longer want to practice. People always say you can't control the way you feel so no longer will I waste time trying to be in control. I'll "play tough as nails with my heart on my sleeve" from now on.

Over and Over Again

I'm not too sure as to why this always happens. Regardless of the situation, some way some how it comes back to this. Good Girls finish last. It’s one over used statement, yet it carries more truth than one heart may be able to comfortably fathom. Somehow no matter how "nice" or "good" I am (and it's all simply in my nature, not even attempted) . .. .in the end I'm looked over and invisible. Luckily, I'm not turning it into a negative response where I become frustrated and bitter. Then evolve into this evil being in result to how my feelings have been repeatedly disregarded. Sometimes it’s the fact that other people don't change, or don't know how to balance. Maybe there isn't always a place for me? A part of being a women is knowing when to get out the way, when to step back and let others do whatever it is they need to do and this is one of those times where I may need to just tip toe away. Especially if it seems like it’s what they want or what may be better for their current life patterns and occurrences (even if they don't want to admit it). I guess I need to be more aware of things and to know when I should be the one to make that first step backwards in order to help someone else move forward. Everyone has that one that got away, that may be the spot I obtain in more lives than I realize. I just can't be treated as if I'm disposable any longer (intentional or not) because regardless of my strength or how heavily nonchalant I am at times... I'm still human. not a habit. not a routine. but human. You can't just "cut" back on me, or toss me back. Doesn't work that way. I have a heart that beats like yours. I don’t know, sometimes I wish I wasn’t so emotional. Maybe I’m taking it too much to the head.

I'm so happy right now. I really can't stop smiling. Just thought that I would share that with everyone. Going to try and go to sleep now.

I, Angenie P.

...take me, myself, to be my best friend and inspiration, to be true and genuine from this day forward, for better and for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish my self while inspiring others from this day forward, until death do I part.

self love is such a beautiful thing.

Life Ain't Always What It Seems To Be

Have you ever found yourself wondering what's truly going on in that person who is always smiling? that person who seems like they have everything under control? that person who seems like they have everything?

A smile hides a lot, not everyone is as happy as their smile may make them appear.